He was not told to jump. He just jumped!

I had a funny dream dream the other night involving a member of our support staff (euphemism for DDT, Document Delivery Technician aka messenger). This man is a Maasai known as Ole Seiya. Ole Seiya has been hospitalised for the last two months. The story is that he hurt himself while doing a Maasai jig.

In case you did not know, a Maasai dance does not actually involve any rythmic body moves. It's basically a competition to determine who can jump the highest. So up they go, then down they come. That's it. I wonder why they dont bag any Olympic medals at the high jump event. Or maybe they do it's just that I dont know.

Anyway, it seems that ole Seiya got touched by a fervent desire to outdo everyone else and because he's no longer the young man he used to be, something snapped. At first I thought it would be something minor. I mean, how much can one hurt himself by jumping like a foot high?
But as time went on I began to realise that it must have been a serious injury and this bothered me cos I just couldn't understand how one can sustain a serious injury that way.

Then the other night I had a dream in which I was watching this Safcom commercial where a mamaa shoots up into the air with "Nimeshinda!". Only this time it was not the mamaa. It was Ole Seiya. Unfortunately, unlike the mamaa in that commercial, he was not in the hands of a caring camera tricks operator. He was in the hands of Nature. So he came down with the full force of gravity. What followed is the stuff of dreams. The ground happened to be hard so instead of his feet sinking into the ground, his thighs sunk into his torso. So there he was. A shorter man. You could see his head, chest, stomach then right below, his knees and feet.

I cant quite remember what happened after that. The dream just fizzled away the way dreams do but as I was brushing my teeth the following morning,I was reflecting on the power of the mind. Was my subconcious trying to explain to my puzzled concious how Ole Seiya got injured? If it was, then my subconcious is so funny it's not funny at all. I mean having a funny subconcious is not funny.

Taste ya walami

Walami hawanaga taste ya mamanzi. Hataa! Cheki haka kamamaa.

Na ati ni m-celeb. Aiish! Haka ata ukiniwahi sare natia ziii. Hata ukiniongezea makwalu. Tupelekeni mamanzi wetu huko. Cheki ingine yake.

Kwetu ukiwa na wife kaa huyu unasemekana unakamada na ubao. Ati hakamangi any.

Hizi boobs nazo ni aje? Moja inacheki Uhunyee na ingine Ongwaro.

Si hata afadhali huyu Malkia?

Lakini anakaa ni kaa anaeza niwahi KO. (I'ma whip yo aarrsse, AFRICAN!)

Na sasa manzi wa kikwetu..........(drumrooooollllll)

Mboko! Ama?

It's Furahi Day!

And I will be taking a few of these later today. To unwiiind, youknowwhatamsaying?

Sadly, not too much though. I'll have to do the local. Polite.

Gotta wedding to attend in the slopes kesho. Ngware! Nice weekend y'all!

Careful how you ask your questions.

I heard an interesting exchange the other day at a local pub. I was sitting at the counter chatting with the barmaid inside. Serving at the tables behind was a chick in real tight jeans, leaving very little to the imagination as to the size of her assets. Normally such things dont escape me.

Then from behind the counter where there are some more tables comes a guy who I presume is the manager. He asks the tight jeans, "Wanjiru, nuu wi na thutha?"

Now this kisapere can be translated to English in two ways. One, it could mean, "Who is at the back?" No problem there unless you know some grown ups who are right then playing piggy back with some kids and you dont know who is carrying who. Of course the guy wanted to know who was serving customers at the tables behind.

It could also mean, "Who has a behind?" Now tight jeans has a fairly big one but she's apparently not aware of this particular endowment cos she says, "Not me. Maybe Njeri."

When the guy leaves I decide to joke with her about this and ask her, "Yaani you dont have a behind?" She gets my meaning and says, "Ah go away! Of course I have." And she swings it.

Then I think to myself, this could have been worse. The guy could have asked, "Nuu urendia thutha?"

In which case he would either have wanted to know who is serving at the tables behind or who is selling ass.

I finish my drink and leave feeling very amused.

I wont be using this contraption any more. My madam is laughing her head off.

She knows the following:

1. My conscience never allows me to gaff in the house.

2. My pride wont allow me to walk out of my house to gaff.

3. Now the law wont allow me to do it anywhere else.

Looks like I will have to quit altogether.

P/s. Blogger wont allow me to put a title to this post. What to do?

Ama ni ke-roh-roh?

Did you know that.......

Well I've been tagged by mama shady but I dint get to know till yesterday and from that time I've just been pondering what to reveal about myself without compromising this anonymity that I really enjoy. This tagging idea isn't so bad though. It's shaken me out of a serious block and forced me to examine myself. I too have learnt a few things about myself! Well here goes.

1. Am the happy go lucky type. I generally take things easy and wonder at peeps who treat everything and anything as a matter of life and death. Not that I cant be serious. I can be when need be. Am also a party animal.

2. Therefore I like music and dancing. In public. I like old school though cos like Kirima, am much older than most of you guys. I hate songs like "leo niko kwa kejaaaa......." What's that now?

3. I work in a bank but I've learnt that bankers are the most miserable lot in town. I plan to do a post on that sometime.

4. I am not a passionate football fan like some of my Man U friends therefore I support Chelsea.

5. Big boobs turn me on. Kwanza if there's a cleavage to see I go aaaaaaauuuuuuiiiii! I once almost shagged a cousin cos she had a humongous breast. Ironically, my madam's are on the smaller side. Her other qualities far outweigh that particular shortcoming.

6. I eat anything so long as it's not poisonous. I guess if you applied some margarine on an iron bar, I could struggle with that too.

7. Lastly (phew!) my father died when I was 28 and I was brought up by my wife.

Now, at this late stage seems everybody I could tag is already tagged! Dont know how serious a breach it will be but I'll pass that one for next time. Now back to the blockosphere.