Monday, May 5, 2008

Of Ladies And Strip Joints.

I was listening to Caroline Mutoko on Kiss100 the other day and she was discussing the various strip joints that have sprung up in town. Her biggest question was which kind of man patronises these joints and specifically, why.

Well I think that is pretty obvious. Men should visit such places and ogle at goods they forever hanker for. That's understood. What bothers my mind though is why ladies patronise those places. I have seen ladies even deep into Apple Bees yaani the "inner sanctum" aka VIP where the perfomers bare it ALL and will even shove it into your face if you look mesmerised enough.What drives a lady to go ogle at another lady who's in the nude? To see what that she does'nt have? To feel what?

I have heard various reasons advanced but generally they hinge on ati they want to see the competition and compare themselves. Well if that's the reason then I'm sure most ladies leave disappointed by themselves cos most of those strip girls are very young things with nary a fold on their skin. And truth be told, if the dingy atmosphere plus inebriation doesn't deceive me, most are very cute.

But the other day I heard quite an interesting explanation. I was discussing this with another lady and she told me that deep down, all ladies admire, and have an innate desire for other ladies. I was stunned. Well I know women are a beautiful creation, curves and all, and it is possible that women will appreciate and even admire anything that's pleasing to the eye but surely that would merely be aesthetic and not sexual! I told her that and she said it could even be sexual.

She pointed out that whereas it is perfectly okay for lady to tell another, "You look nice", it is not so for men. I agreed. If a man told me "You look nice" I'd punch him in the face. "Nice suit" maybe, but not you look nice. Why I've heard a lady tell another "You look sexy". You'd be a dead man if you told me that. She pointed out something else. She told me although she was straight, the sight of two men kissing would disgust her but not so two women kissing! And that that goes for most ladies she knew. Well it goes for me too but why should we be on the same side? If I got a kick out of watching two girls kissing then she should surely get a kick out of watching two men kissing?

But that's not the case it seems. I'm very inclined to agree with this theory because if it' true, it would explain perfectly why ladies patronise strip joints.

Food for thought eh?

Friday, December 14, 2007

Enterprising or what?

Guys, either we are taking this service industry thing too far, or our bowels are getting looser as time goes. Ama it's just agressively (and brazenly) marketing a facility not normally found in transport?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Back with only a joke.

Boy meets Girl. Now Boy wants to know whether Girl is still a virgin or she's dished out but he doesn't know how to go about it. I mean, you just dont go asking a chiley straight up if she's been shagged. So they have an interesting conversation thus:

Boy ( rotating his glass with his fingers): "Sooo..... has the well been drilled?"
Girl: "Sorry?"
Boy thinks hell, lemme go modern. She may understand that. So after a moment,
Boy:"I mean, has your disk been formatted?"
Boy:(scratching his head now) "Eeeer.....have the drivers been installed in your...."
Girl:(Now convinced this guy's a mental case) "What the hell are you talking about? Eh?"
Boy:(Now frustrated) "I, uum.... I just want to know whether you are yet to roll out your IPO?"

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

He was not told to jump. He just jumped!

I had a funny dream dream the other night involving a member of our support staff (euphemism for DDT, Document Delivery Technician aka messenger). This man is a Maasai known as Ole Seiya. Ole Seiya has been hospitalised for the last two months. The story is that he hurt himself while doing a Maasai jig.

In case you did not know, a Maasai dance does not actually involve any rythmic body moves. It's basically a competition to determine who can jump the highest. So up they go, then down they come. That's it. I wonder why they dont bag any Olympic medals at the high jump event. Or maybe they do it's just that I dont know.

Anyway, it seems that ole Seiya got touched by a fervent desire to outdo everyone else and because he's no longer the young man he used to be, something snapped. At first I thought it would be something minor. I mean, how much can one hurt himself by jumping like a foot high?
But as time went on I began to realise that it must have been a serious injury and this bothered me cos I just couldn't understand how one can sustain a serious injury that way.

Then the other night I had a dream in which I was watching this Safcom commercial where a mamaa shoots up into the air with "Nimeshinda!". Only this time it was not the mamaa. It was Ole Seiya. Unfortunately, unlike the mamaa in that commercial, he was not in the hands of a caring camera tricks operator. He was in the hands of Nature. So he came down with the full force of gravity. What followed is the stuff of dreams. The ground happened to be hard so instead of his feet sinking into the ground, his thighs sunk into his torso. So there he was. A shorter man. You could see his head, chest, stomach then right below, his knees and feet.

I cant quite remember what happened after that. The dream just fizzled away the way dreams do but as I was brushing my teeth the following morning,I was reflecting on the power of the mind. Was my subconcious trying to explain to my puzzled concious how Ole Seiya got injured? If it was, then my subconcious is so funny it's not funny at all. I mean having a funny subconcious is not funny.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Taste ya walami

Walami hawanaga taste ya mamanzi. Hataa! Cheki haka kamamaa.

Na ati ni m-celeb. Aiish! Haka ata ukiniwahi sare natia ziii. Hata ukiniongezea makwalu. Tupelekeni mamanzi wetu huko. Cheki ingine yake.

Kwetu ukiwa na wife kaa huyu unasemekana unakamada na ubao. Ati hakamangi any.

Hizi boobs nazo ni aje? Moja inacheki Uhunyee na ingine Ongwaro.

Si hata afadhali huyu Malkia?

Lakini anakaa ni kaa anaeza niwahi KO. (I'ma whip yo aarrsse, AFRICAN!)

Na sasa manzi wa kikwetu..........(drumrooooollllll)

Mboko! Ama?

Friday, July 13, 2007

It's Furahi Day!

And I will be taking a few of these later today. To unwiiind, youknowwhatamsaying?
Sadly, not too much though. I'll have to do the local. Polite.
Gotta wedding to attend in the slopes kesho. Ngware! Nice weekend y'all!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Careful how you ask your questions.

I heard an interesting exchange the other day at a local pub. I was sitting at the counter chatting with the barmaid inside. Serving at the tables behind was a chick in real tight jeans, leaving very little to the imagination as to the size of her assets. Normally such things dont escape me.

Then from behind the counter where there are some more tables comes a guy who I presume is the manager. He asks the tight jeans, "Wanjiru, nuu wi na thutha?"

Now this kisapere can be translated to English in two ways. One, it could mean, "Who is at the back?" No problem there unless you know some grown ups who are right then playing piggy back with some kids and you dont know who is carrying who. Of course the guy wanted to know who was serving customers at the tables behind.

It could also mean, "Who has a behind?" Now tight jeans has a fairly big one but she's apparently not aware of this particular endowment cos she says, "Not me. Maybe Njeri."

When the guy leaves I decide to joke with her about this and ask her, "Yaani you dont have a behind?" She gets my meaning and says, "Ah go away! Of course I have." And she swings it.

Then I think to myself, this could have been worse. The guy could have asked, "Nuu urendia thutha?"

In which case he would either have wanted to know who is serving at the tables behind or who is selling ass.

I finish my drink and leave feeling very amused.